Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I will be naked everywhere
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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