i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
