My hand turned me down
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
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I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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