Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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