So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
