New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
