I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
