I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
