She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
