Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
