my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
