forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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