P.S. I can't hear my feet
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
