Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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