Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
