I'm really into asian looking animals
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How does one acquire holy water?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
