i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize