oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I believe in your delicious
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
