She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
