Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
