it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize