Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize