I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
