I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
