I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
