He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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