I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize