the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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