Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
