she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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