You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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