and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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