apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
