We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize