moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
