someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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