you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
