This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize