thus making me awesome and them whores
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
you never un-have a 4some
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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