apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Come see our sink grown plant.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
