I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Im part way to drunk.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
