do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
