she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
