do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
