I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
