I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
