I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
