thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
