I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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