i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she peed on how many people?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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