I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
