The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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