Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
