You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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