hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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