do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
