was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
