get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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