So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
