Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
