Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
