is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
