I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
