It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my being single is dangerous.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
