At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I will be naked everywhere
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
