Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
