My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
