I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
