It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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