I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
