Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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