Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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