you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
