Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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