i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
