I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
