I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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